What if we put our energy into being more curious about our selves, what we do, and how we do it before we jump to judgment?
 
Many of us feel like the way to be successful, improve, and feel safe from failure, disappointment and hurt is to be perfectionistic or hard on ourselves.
 
If I asked you to be less critical of yourself does your mind jump to thoughts such as “That’s not a good idea, what if I become lazy and don’t try hard anymore?”
 
If I invited you to be kinder to yourself and accept who you are today, as you are, would you have a hard time, feel unworthy, or uncomfortable?
 
Often the following thoughts and beliefs can get in the way of being kinder to our selves and this list is in no way exhaustive:

• The only way to be successful with our goals and dreams is to constantly focus on what we need to “fix” and improve.
• I must focus on the “to-do” list, not the person doing it.
• When I compare myself to others someone always has it worse than me so why should I have compassion for myself? Who am I to complain?
• If I am not numb and cold toward myself then I’d be too uncomfortable with the feelings and thoughts that might catch up if I soften.

If you have survived difficult times by being tough with your self it can feel scary to imagine letting go and treating your self with more acceptance, compassion, or, dare I say love.
 
If you have achieved success by being hard on your self or demanding perfection, then it can feel unwise or risky to walk away from something that has “worked” for you in the past.
 
Whether being hard on your self has developed out of self-preservation, was a product of the messages you have been given by others, or is a result of other factors please know that we do the best we can given what we know at the time AND there is another way we can move through life toward our goals and dreams that can be more comfortable and enjoyable: Be more curious than judgmental.
 
When you look back at your life what will you value, what you accomplished or how it felt to be who you are?
 
Being kind, accepting and compassionate toward your self doesn’t mean ignoring issues or struggles.
 
In fact, it’s just the opposite.
 
Would you want to face, accept and share your struggles with a critical and judgmental boss or partner? Probably not! Most of us prefer to be open with someone who is caring and understanding.

“Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

If we don’t have a supportive relationship with ourselves how much do we think we can really accomplish if we are criticizing or doubting ourselves.
 
If we don’t accept who we are and recognize our inherent worth, then how satisfying and deeply can we really connect with others?
 
What if you practiced moving from your own worst critic to your own best friend?
 
If you want to take an honest look at your self and continue growing and developing the areas of life you value, then the first step is to be your own caring and understanding friend, someone safe to admit your struggles to, who will support you as you face the challenging work of being:

• a human being,
• with real struggles,
• strengths,
• quirks and
• imperfections.
  

My mission in creating Go Friend Your Self is to help you develop a friendship with your self if you don’t already have one or strengthen the one you do.
 
I hope you will join me.
 
Go Friend Your Self!
 
Your friend,
~Dr. Baker
 
Ps Please share this article if you think it will help someone else.

Do the following beliefs sound familiar?

• I need to be critical of myself rather than support and accept myself otherwise I won’t reach my goals or grow.
• I must be in control and do things perfectly.
• I need to focus on how far I have yet to go rather than how far I’ve come if I want to succeed.

Whether you have these types of thoughts occasionally or they have become mottos and mantras in your life, you are absolutely not alone.

You might be consistently hard on yourself or bounce back and forth between confidence and self-criticism.

We are all susceptible to this kind of thinking.

When we feel challenged or stressed we might reach for control or perfectionism as a way to cope. This is often accompanied by self-criticism, stress and more pressure. Staying busy and being tough on our self can escalate from a coping strategy to a habit and way of life. We may feel uncomfortable, nervous, or ashamed if we slow down.

You are what you think.

We have 1000s of thoughts a day and so often they are the same thoughts on repeat, like a broken record. They can easily become harsh, critical or negative. The way we think about our self, talk to our self and treat our self can have a powerful effect on your life, for better or worse. If we think things are possible then we try. If we think highly of ourselves then we treat ourselves well and build relationships with others who treat us well also.

Strengthen your connection with your self and you can strengthen your connection with:

• the kind of life you want to live,
• your goals and dreams, and
• the people you care about most.
  

I invite you to consider these questions:

• What if you were your greatest support instead of worst critic?
  
• What if you were as kind, understanding and forgiving of your self as you are with your loved ones?
• What if you were your own best friend instead of worst enemy when things are tough? How might your life be different? What would you attempt?

 
It is possible to change your relationship with your self. You can grow, succeed and connect with those important to you while being supportive and kind toward yourself.
 
I am excited to share information and inspiration with you!

An invitation for you:
 
1. Think of the one person you are closest to.
2. Think about a current stressor or challenge in your own life.
3. What would you tell the person you thought of in #1 if they were facing this issue?
4. Practice saying this to yourself when you think about it this week.
5. Feel free to share your experience with the community in the comments section.